Begining Again

After each hiatus blogging becomes more difficult. The things I used to write about seem so trivial and yet there seems to be so little new material to cover. My life is moving at a snail's pace... work here and there, and many naps. I have essentially been laid off from both of my jobs because of the terrible economy in our retail locations (now that class is over and I have more time to work, how lovely). I have more time to write, but much less will to bother. I am under an immense amount of financial stress because of the lack of hours. And somehow despite the stressful summer session of school and the frustration of my current unemployment I find myself happy. I blinked and June was gone. May is already forgotten. July is barreling through. Like every summer I have forgotten to really rest and relax. Instead, as in summers past I have taken the time to transform.

A friend recently commented that it was refreshing to be with me because, unlike so many other people, I don't seem to be working through any "issues" at the moment. Taking a step to notice this myself, I obtained a profound sense freedom. I used to be that emotionally fragile girl; always working through some trauma, be it family troubles or breakups or tragedies. Now I only have my financial stresses and my school worries; normal things for a twenty-something to worry about. The earth-shattering identity crisis phase of my life seems to have spontaneously resolved itself without my noticing. At 11:19 PM on a Sunday evening I find myself totally happy with who I have become. Every day I look forward to spending the day with people who love me and challenge me, who compel me to become more creative, who inspire me to grow. Despite everything that has battered me over the past three years I suddenly find myself in a place that feels entirely right.

And so I suppose I am writing to share that sense of peace. For the moment it seems like blogging hasn't been a priority. I'm hoping that with my newfound idle time I will be inspired to pick it up again. But for now, suffice it to say that my silence is one of contentment despite the downfalls of life.

Summertime and the livin's...

i long for the summertimes of sleeping-bear dunes
honeysuckle sap in the branches of
the neighbor's climbing trees
petosky stones tumbling to smooth
fossil jewels, found treasures
mr. doodlebug's castle
crumbing as it dries in the wind
tornados on the shores of rose lake-
cowering with the dog under the trailer table away
from green sky and hailstones
scared children on the kelderhouse graves
touching tombstones, trembling
sunkissed lake michigan, freshwater caribbean
reflecting new freckles; smiling faces
basking in the feeling of an infinite now-
days without names, numbers
until suddenly,
school.

--

June again, and all there is is work. If I don't feel sand between my toes, see stars without city lights, have one evening where I don't have to think about what still needs to be done, I will whither up and die. Like the Tocororo, I can't survive long caged. Lazy days in Havana next January are calling to me.

Fuck corporate retail. Fuck rent. Fuck classes. Fuck this entire system of planning for the future, worrying about finances, working my ass of for what?

I'm missing the now.

(once like a spark)

if strangers meet
life begins-
not poor not rich
(only aware)
kind neither
nor cruel
(only complete)
i not not you
not possible;
only truthful
-truthfully,once
if strangers(who
deep our most are
selves)touch:
forever

(and so to dark)

ee cummings

Jasper Darlington Higgins V

This is our newest family member. His name is Jasper. A few weeks ago Kate and I went to Cat Adoption Team in Sherwood intending to get a kitten. This little guy, then named "Smithy", quite literally reached out and grabbed us. He was almost a year old and we were looking to get a baby so we humored him for a while and then moved on to the young cats to find the one that we would take home. Though the kittens were cute, we just couldn't stop coming back to "Smithy", who knew exactly how to seduce a would-be adoptive family. He butted his head into our arms and begged to be held and loved. We both knew that the responsible decision would be to take an adult cat rather than a kitten because fully grown shelter cats are less likely to find homes. While CAT is a no-kill shelter, we wanted to help out a cat who was more in need. After a lot of snuggling and deliberating we decided that he would have to be the one.

Unfortunately, CAT has a policy that certain cats who have "bonded" with their kitty room mates must go home in pairs. "Smithy" and his buddy "Tat" had bonded and since we couldn't take home two cats, we left with none. We decided to come back later to look at new arrivals. We returned on May 15th expecting to take home a kitten when we received fortuitous news! "Smithy" and "Tat"had now been in the shelter for 30 days and CAT policy states that after 30 days "bonded" pairs may be broken to find the cats a home. Coincidentally it was also "Smithy's" (and my cat Phoebe's) birthday! This made him a legal "adult" cat, dropping his adoption fees to nearly half. Things couldn't have been more perfect! We filled out the paper work and took our new buddy home.

"Smithy", renamed "Jasper", is adjusting well. Phoebe was a little irked at her unwelcome "birthday gift" but the two now play together and sometimes (when they think we aren't looking) sit together on the bed. Jasper is a spunky boy with a little too much energy for his own good. His hobbies include: annoying Liz, annoying Kate, annoying Phoebe, jumping on the counter, surfing for snacks, singing in his lovely tenor voice, climbing the backs of the furniture, eating.

There is one problem with our new boy: he can't eat anything without throwing up. We took him to the vet at CAT and after a check up they said there was nothing wrong with him. Clearly there is. Every time Jasper eats, he spends a good 40 minutes or more dry-heaving and occasionally vomiting. It sounds as if his throat is clogged with mucous, and when he does manage to produce something it is usually a solid lump of well-chewed food with a significant amount of clear fluid. Wet food seems to help, as does feeding him food one kibble at a time. However, these are only temporary fixes and do not work 100% of the time. I called several vets and no one seems to know what his problem is. Has anyone ever heard of this? Any suggestions?

Other than the gagging and the irritating counter-surfing habits, Jasper is a wonderful addition to our household. In the morning I wake up with one cat under each arm and I know it's going to be a good day! :)


For more photos of our lovely cats, check out the last few photos in my Picasa album "Kitties and Puppies and Bears, Oh My!"

Coming Soon...

For anyone who still visits here... I have a TON of new exciting things to Blog about. Now that the semester is over, I am all moved in and we finally have reliable internet, I should be able to get some posts up here. Here's what's coming:

1. I have a new (furry) addition to my family.
2. I have an exciting new internship!
3. I promised an update on my BDSM/sexuality research.
4. How Participant Action Research (PAR) is awesome!
5. A few things to say about Cuba.

I haven't got the time to post more now (I shouldn't even be online now...), but I PROMISE that as soon as I get some downtime I will throw something up here! Thanks for being patient, and sorry I have been a shoddy blogger!

Day of Silence

So it's been a long time since I have posted. My ability to be thoughtful and opinionated has been bulldozed by working two jobs and doing a massive amount of schoolwork. At the end of the day after working on the 55 pages of writing I have due by the end of this week, I often don't feel so much like writing for myself. But this morning I am waiting for a bus and have a little time to be productive. So, a little about what has been going on in my life:

Friday I observed the national Day of Silence. I chose to spend the day not speaking in representation of the silence faced by lesbian, gay, transgendered, queer and questioning people and their allies. The silence LGBTQ people face is enforced by discrimination, harassment, name calling and general ignorance. By not speaking, I and many other people across the nation chose to call attention to this silence so that people might think about who in their life might be forced to keep quiet about their sexuality.

I personally chose not to speak for a number of reasons. As some of you may know, I have been studying human sexuality for the past several years as a Sociology/Anthropology major at Lewis and Clark college. Because of this, I am acutely aware of the injustices suffered by LGBTQ throughout the world. In my own research, I have attempted to de-pathologize BDSM/kink sexuality and polyamory (among other non-standard sexualities). As a part of my own "kink outreach" program, my silence also represented the silence caused by the judgment placed on non-heterosexual non-reproductive sexuality. More than just respecting the silence forced upon the many strangers out there in the LGBTQ/kink(etc.) communities, I was silent for my own friends and family as well. Over the years I have been an open ear to many coming out stories and struggles with sexuality. I have talked with friends who couldn't bear to tell their own families they were gay or lesbian. I myself have felt silenced by family and friends about issues of sexuality that are important to me.

The injustice suffered by LGBTQ people is something I find profoundly frustrating. My boss, for example, proved very insensitive to a fellow lesbian coworker who experienced a violently negative reaction from a passerby when she kissed her girlfriend goodbye (just a peck on the lips!) outside of the mall. My boss commented to me later that "she just needs to grow a thick skin and learn to put up with the consequences of choosing to be a minority." I do agree that in all walks of life we need to learn to let the ignorant comments we are bound to encounter roll off of us. But no one exactly chooses to be a minority. It's not like she woke up one morning and said "I decided I want to be a lesbian." And even if she did, she shouldn't have to put up with crap from people who are not even affected by her decision. Imagine what it would feel like if you kissed your boyfriend or husband or wife or girlfriend when they dropped you off for work and someone yelled at and threatened you!

I watched the news Thursday night and saw that parents were keeping their kids home from local schools because "they don't need to be learning about gays in school." Pardon me, but yes they do! If they aren't learning about tolerance at home because their parents are ignoramuses, where else are they supposed to learn it?! A little boy on the news skipped school because he was quiet and "didn't want people to think I'm gay." ISN'T THAT THE POINT?! YOU SHOULDN'T BE WORRIED THAT PEOPLE WILL MAKE FUN OF YOU BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU'RE GAY! You should be able to be whatever sexuality you want in your private life and no one should care! I'm not proposing that LGBTQ sexuality be shoved down people throats. If you are against it for religious or personal reasons, fine. But that doesn't mean that you can beat up gays, condemn them to hell, and spread intolerance. If it bothers you, be secure in the knowledge that your own sexuality is what is right for you and keep the discrimination to yourself. Don't the religions that condemn homosexuality also preach tolerance? Don't be a hypocrite.

Anyways, I don't mean to rant. I just felt like after a day of not speaking, something needed to be said. I am hoping that someday we live in a world where it doesn't matter what you do behind closed doors between consenting adults. It would be so wonderful if people were judged not on the multitude of categories we love to place each other in- black, white, gay, straight, man, woman- and instead judged by who they are as people. Maybe one day.

Until then we have the Day of Silence to remind us that people out there are afraid to show themselves for who they really are. If you would like to participate or help out go to www.dayofsilece.org. Thanks!

Help!

Take my survey. You might be rewarded at the end of the semester by a nice actually well thought out post about what I am working so hard on right now. The basic premise is, I am doing an ethnographic research project about bodies and rope bondage for a class called Anthropology of the Body. I am researching perspectives about BDSM sexuality. It's just two questions. Not too hard to answer. No wrong answers!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=PUaJpiIkb2d7C3NxdJww4g_3d_3d

Thanks!